Dennis, the geode salesman

This guy spent 10 minutes asking insistently for my picture. As a final effort, he sent me his own Myspace page which advertised that he sells geodes on Ebay.

sugarnspice: I see that you are into geodes
guest24571: yea they're all over where i'm from
sugarnspice: that's cool
sugarnspice: so you know a lot about rocks and stuff?
guest24571: yeah… my dad got me into it.... my parents are know all over the world amongst rock and mineral collectors
sugarnspice: that’s cool. so you are like famous
guest24571: not hollywood famous, but in the gem and mineral industry, yea....
guest24571: I make a living selling minerals on ebay.... and do damn good too lol
guest24571: so you wanna talk on cam sexy?
guest24571: whats your name…. im dennis
sugarnspice: hey can i ask you a question then
sugarnspice: if u know sum stuff about rocks n stuff
guest24571: yea go ahead
sugarnspice: do u know what a sunela stone is?
guest24571: no i don't
sugarnspice: well like 2 mo. ago I bought some junk in an antiqe shop and the guy gave me this rock along with it for free
sugarnspice: b/c he just wanted to get rid of it… iwas like whatev lol
sugarnspice: he said thats what it was called n I cant find anything about it online
guest24571: is it yellow?
sugarnspice: no its like blue gray ish
sugarnspice: well then let me ask u this..
sugarnspice: n im dead serious ok
guest24571: aright i'm listenin
sugarnspice: have you ever heard of like a spirit in a stone
guest24571: it's probably like an indian legend or something
guest24571: are you sure it's spelled sunela
sugarnspice: no he didnt write it down but thats what it sounded like
sugarnspice: he said it was supposed to be like the spirit of some polanesian warrier in it
guest24571: do u have a pic of it?
sugarnspice: no
sugarnspice: its just a shiny round rock
guest24571: do you know where it's from?
sugarnspice: nope the guy didnt say
guest24571: is the color solid or can u see thru it somewhat?
sugarnspice: is there any reason a rock ever makes a noise?
sugarnspice: like gases ecsaping or something??
guest24571: only if you throw it against another surface or something.. other than that, no
sugarnspice: well ok
sugarnspice: bc sometimes when the room is rly quiet
sugarnspice: it makes this noise
guest24571: lol really?
sugarnspice: i swear
sugarnspice: this tiny quiet noise
sugarnspice: i thought it was my imaganation… but if I put my ear up real close its def. the rock
guest24571: maybe it is....
guest24571: can you describe the noise?
sugarnspice: its like this tiny little chirp
guest24571: hmmmm odd
guest24571: how often does it do it
sugarnspice: like every few min maybe.. but only sometimes
sugarnspice: its freaking me out
guest24571: maybe its indian spirits that are disturbed and they're gonna get ya
sugarnspice: !!!!!
sugarnspice: srsly though what shoud i do its creepy
sugarnspice: n i had this dream about it
sugarnspice: where i picked it up n accidently dropped it n it broke open
sugarnspice: n there was like an earthquake sort of?
sugarnspice: so now i dont even want to touch it
guest24571: lol
sugarnspice: :(
guest24571: so anyways, what do you do for fun girl?
sugarnspice: no im so serious
sugarnspice: have you ever heard of that happening
guest24571: no i haven't
sugarnspice: are you 100% positive it cant happen
sugarnspice: have your parents ever mentioned it
guest24571: no they haven't.......
sugarnspice: i know it sounds dumb
sugarnspice: but rocks arent supposed ot make noises n idont know what to think n its scaring me
guest24571: but it's not natural for rocks to make noises lol
sugarnspice: I KNOW thats y Im freaking out!!!
guest24571: ok calm down.. try googling sunela stone.. or wikipedia it
sugarnspice: i did, there isnt anything
sugarnspice: your supposed to be the rock expert, dennis!
sugarnspice: im turning to you for help!!!
guest24571: I don’t know what to tell you
sugarnspice: its making the noise right now
sugarnspice: what should i do??!
guest24571: throw it away
sugarnspice: but id ont want to touch it!!
sugarnspice: do u want it??
sugarnspice: you could come here n take it if u want it for your collection.. u only live like 2 hours away
sugarnspice: u can have it for free
sugarnspice: u take it home n figure out what it is… maybe sell it for a lot
guest24571: I doubt it
sugarnspice: u are just making excuses
sugarnspice: ur afraid of it too
guest24571: im not afraid of a rock
sugarnspice: u oviously are… ok look you don’t even have to take it if your scared of it
sugarnspice: just tell me how to get rid of it
sugarnspice: what if it like burns my fingers off??
guest24571: why would it burn your fingers off?
sugarnspice: bc when I get close to touching it it seems like its really hot
guest24571: pick it up with tongs or an oven mit
sugarnspice: i don’t have that…
sugarnspice: i ll just try to pick it up
guest24571: no don’t… it could be dangerous… dont touch it with yourbare hand
sugarnspice: why? do u know what this is after all??
guest24571: no.. but if it seems dangerous you souldnt touch it
guest24571: can you move it with another object… like roll it into a box or something
sugarnspice: noo but what if I drop it!!??
sugarnspice: I have to jut pick it up with my hand… if I try to use sumthing else Im afraid ill drop it
guest24571: DO NOT touch it with your bare hand
guest24571: are you there?

guest24571: hello?

guest24571: are you ok?

sugarnspice: OMG it made the noise rightr when I went to touch it…
sugarnspice: im freaking outttttttttttttt what should I do ??
sugarnspice: do you think i should call the police?
guest24571: that might work
sugarnspice: im going to give them ur name if they want a witness or anything ok
guest24571: nooo don't.. i don't like the police lol
sugarnspice: why not
sugarnspice: are you selling stolen geodes
sugarnspice: stolen from mother earth
guest24571: no
sugarnspice: well wut do i say if they want a witnes??
sugarnspice: if they ask if i was talking to u im not going to lie
guest24571: well i wasn't a witness to the event
guest24571: don’t call the police
sugarnspice: this noise is def. a lil louder than it was a couple days ago
guest24571: are you sure?
sugarnspice: yes
sugarnspice: y would it be getting louder??
guest24571: no idea… but its getting me curious
guest24571: can you send me a picture of this rock?
guest24571: what town do you live in again?
sugarnspice: brb
guest24571: I could drive up next weekend

sugarnspice: hey is ur last name wilson?
guest24571: yes why
sugarnspice: can i have a # where they can reach you please
guest24571: who?
sugarnspice: the police… idk why

sugarnspice: hello?

sugarnspice: dennis?

sugarnspice: u there

sugarnspice: dennis?
sugarnspice: what have you done?

Deaf Genie

guest31334: hello
AngelEyes: hello?
AngelEyes: do u hear static??
guest31334: can u show me ur pic
guest31334: helloooo what happen dear
AngelEyes: hello??
guest31334: r u there
guest31334: what is ur name
AngelEyes: Lethalina
guest31334: nice i am sathish
guest31334: can u voice chat
AngelEyes: im a deaf mute :(
guest31334: ok video chat
AngelEyes: no.. now im too sad b/c of my deafness :(
guest31334: ok dear
AngelEyes: y did i deserve this!!!!11
guest31334: no
AngelEyes: whyyyyy do i have to be deaf
AngelEyes: i cant even talk 2 ppl on the internet
AngelEyes: what kindof life is this???
AngelEyes: am i being punished, sathish?
guest31334: ok ur wish
AngelEyes: oh!!
AngelEyes: are you a genie???
guest31334: yes
AngelEyes: omg u could change my hwole life…
AngelEyes: can u guess what my #1 wish would be
guest31334: yes
guest31334: dear
AngelEyes: I want to be able to juggle
AngelEyes: that would be soooooo cool
AngelEyes: so what do i have to do?
AngelEyes: is there a lamp?
AngelEyes: hello?
guest31334: really
AngelEyes: what?
AngelEyes: louder please
guest31334: nothing
AngelEyes: don't think you can play tricks on me just bc im deaf!!
AngelEyes: hello?
guest31334: what do u want now
AngelEyes: do i get two more wishes?
AngelEyes: what is the static noise/?? do u hear it
AngelEyes: omg it sooo sux to be deaf… :(
guest31334: ofcource second wish… anything in the world
AngelEyes: ok ummm.. I want to be able to taste double
AngelEyes: i think that would make me feel a lot better about being deaf
AngelEyes: if I could taste things really well
guest31334: haha okay darling
AngelEyes: r u sure your a real genie
AngelEyes: how do i know this isnt a scam
guest31334: yeah
guest31334: any question ask me
AngelEyes: will u call me?? So I can hear if u have a genie voice
AngelEyes: OMGGG nvm i don’t even know what that sounds like :(
guest31334: i don;t like scam with u
guest31334: i have no geine voice
AngelEyes: but you are a genie right
AngelEyes: just not like the stereotype
guest31334: lethalina
guest31334: i also not like srereotype
AngelEyes: im sorry
AngelEyes: i just wanted to get to know a real live genie i didn’t mean to hurt your feelings
guest31334: okay
AngelEyes: do i still get my third wish?
guest31334: i want see u
guest31334: helloooooo
guest31334: lethalina

guest31334 has invited you to Voice Chat.

AngelEyes: OMG
AngelEyes: I TOLD U I AM DEAFFFFF
AngelEyes: Y WOULD U DO THATTTTT
guest31334: no i hit the button by mistak darling
guest31334: ok
AngelEyes: OMGGGGGGGGGG :((((((((((((((((((((((((
guest31334 has signed out.

Friends discount!

guest8013457: you have a web cam
Tiffany: Yeah, I have all kinds of webcams.
Tiffany: 8mm cameras.
Tiffany: Editing software.
Tiffany: What do I have to do to make a sale today?
guest8013457: wat you mean
guest8013457: wat you do like work or wat
Tiffany: Why don't you tell me what you're looking for?
guest8013457: a girl
guest8013457: are you there
Tiffany: Yes I am
guest8013457: you have pics
Tiffany: Sure.
Tiffany: What kind are you looking for?
guest8013457: any thing
Tiffany: And if you like what you see, I can get you a great deal on some ink and supplies.
guest8013457: wat you got
Tiffany: I'll can probably get you a 20% discount.
Tiffany: …I like you. Just don't tell my manager! ;)
guest8013457: ok
guest8013457: just show me ur pic pls
Tiffany: So, laser printers then?
Tiffany: Dot matrix?
guest8013457: LET ME SEE
Tiffany: Epson has some great models this year.
Tiffany: Okay, okay.
Tiffany: http://www.pcmag.com/products/qn=Ink+Jet+Printers+Epson00.asp
Tiffany: Now, aren’t those some great pictures? Look at that quality.
Tiffany: You just tell me if you like what you see, and we'll strike up a deal.
Tiffany: You're not going to find discounts like this anywhere else.
guest8013457: SHOW MEEEEEEEEE UR DAM PIC
Tiffany: What?
guest8013457: THAT NOT WAT AM LOOKING FOR SORRY
Tiffany: Oh. Sorry.
Tiffany: What was it you were interested in?
guest8013457: FRIENDS
Tiffany: Yes! We have that on Blu-ray, VHS and audio cassettes. What season were you looking for?
Tiffany: Wasn’t it just the greatest when Ross and Rachel got back together?
guest8013457: I GOT ALL A THAT ALREADY
Tiffany: THEN WHAT ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR
Tiffany: THERE IS NO PLEASING YOU PEOPLE
Tiffany: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME
Tiffany: I QUIT
Tiffany: YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THE DISCOUNT AND I LIED WHEN I SAID YOU LOOKED LIKE JENNIFER ANISTON
guest8013457: you didnt say that
Tiffany: YEAH BECAUSE YOU DON’T
Tiffany: GOODBYE