It's really a bad cycle for scorpios right now

[11:02] guest1131: so hun
[11:02] guest1131: whats ur sign?
[11:02] omglol: scorpio
[11:03] guest1131: lol
[11:03] guest1131: u know the whole time weve been talking
[11:03] guest1131: i knew u were a scorpio
[11:03] omglol: did you really?
[11:04] guest1131: yeah
[11:04] omglol: that's amazing
[11:04] guest1131: yeah i guess u could say im just talented
[11:04] omglol: or more accurately, you're completely full of crap
[11:04] omglol: because I'm not really a scorpio
[11:07] omglol: sooo... pix?
[11:07] omglol: lawlz0rz
[11:07] guest1131: fuck you

Dark meat

[silentcape] like dark meat?
[lolchick] Yes, but isn't it unhealthy?
[silentcape] lol...why unhealthy?
[lolchick] Well isn't dark meat the muscles that have more fat in them?
[silentcape] not that kind
[lolchick] It's more flavorful that way, but they say it's unhealthy.
[lolchick] White meat has less oxygen-carrying myoglobin than the walking muscles, or dark meat, and is thus lighter in
color.
[lolchick] Or so says the poultry entry on Wikipedia.
[lolchick] What do you mean?
[silentcape] lol
[silentcape] no...like thick dark choco
[lolchick] Oh, I like chocolate!
[lolchick] You ever try that Lindt 70% cacao stuff?
[silentcape] nope
[lolchick] It's good.
[silentcape] ok
[lolchick] Sometimes they put little bits of pecan in there.
[lolchick] Raisins.
[lolchick] Hello?

Knives

[yoyoplay354] come here
[yoyoplay354] u cute lil thing
[yoyoplay354] u wanna cuddle?
[lolchick] sure
[yoyoplay354] cool
[yoyoplay354] so what r u wearing when were cuddlin?
[yoyoplay354] feel anything touching ur butt?:P
[lolchick] oh yeah
[yoyoplay354] what is it?
[lolchick] knives
[yoyoplay354] ?!
[yoyoplay354] :)
[yoyoplay354] what?
[lolchick] what?
[yoyoplay354] knives?
[lolchick] what about them?
[yoyoplay354] u said knives
[yoyoplay354] how do u feel knives on ur butt?:)
[lolchick] what??
[yoyoplay354] u typed knives a bit ago
[yoyoplay354] wanna kiss?
[lolchick] ????
[lolchick] i did not
[lolchick] your weird
[yoyoplay354] why am i weird?
[yoyoplay354] i asked "what do you feel on your butt?"
[lolchick] we're talkin all sexy-like and then you start talkin about knives ?
[yoyoplay354] and you typed "knives"
[yoyoplay354] maybe you did it accidentally
[yoyoplay354] anyway
[yoyoplay354] lets forget about it ok?
[lolchick] yeah whatever
[yoyoplay354] :)
[yoyoplay354] *holds you tight and puts a kiss on ur neck*
[yoyoplay354] u like it?
[lolchick] ur going to cut my throat??
[lolchick] let go of me
[yoyoplay354] what r u talkin about
[yoyoplay354] ?
[yoyoplay354] why are you talkin like this?
[lolchick] because this knife stuff is a turn off
[lolchick] sorry
[yoyoplay354] yeah but
[yoyoplay354] i swear
[yoyoplay354] i saw it on my screen typed
[yoyoplay354] on our window
[yoyoplay354] mustve been a mistake
[yoyoplay354] just forget about it
[yoyoplay354] lets have fun
[lolchick] um ok
[lolchick] but plz no more knives
[yoyoplay354] if u dont wanna talk i understand
[yoyoplay354] but lets just cuddle ok?
[lolchick] yes
[yoyoplay354] ok
[yoyoplay354] im holdin u tight
[yoyoplay354] feelin good?
[lolchick] yes very good
[yoyoplay354] ur butt is right in front of me
[yoyoplay354] u reach doen my pants what do u find
[lolchick] knives
[yoyoplay354] ??
[lolchick] hello?
[lolchick] are we going to cuddle?
[lolchick] hello?

Kellybot

[MovieKing18m] hey. whats up
[34942] I'm Kelly. What's your name?
[MovieKing18m] Matt
[34942] Maybe you and I could be friends. ;)
[MovieKing18m] maybe. asl?
[34942] I'm 25 years old.
[MovieKing18m] u a model?
[34942] I enjoy movies, sports and cooking.
[34942] Tell me about yourself!
[MovieKing18m] I like fast cars and pretty women! lol
[MovieKing18m] jk
[34942] You sound sexy.
[34942] I enjoy movies, sports and cooking.
[MovieKing18m] ur a bot
[34942] I'm just a country girl at heart.
[MovieKing18m] good 4 u. if ur not a bot, type bob backwards
[34942] What do you mean?
[MovieKing18m] r u a bot?
[34942] I'm a sexy blonde.
[34942] I like to have a good time.
[MovieKing18m] how?
[34942] Want to have some fun? ;)
[MovieKing18m] sure
[34942] Are you a hit in the bedroom?
[MovieKing18m] oh yeah.
[34942] You sound sexy.
[MovieKing18m] i am
[34942] Are you tired of high prices at the pharmacy?
[34942] I'm bored tonight.
[MovieKing18m] r u horny?
[34942] You’re making me blush!
[34942] I like to have a good time.
[MovieKing18m] am i a bot? no u are
[34942] Is your salary too low?
[MovieKing18m] f u
[34942] That's not nice.
[MovieKing18m] r u a bot?
[MovieKing18m] yes or no?
[34942] Of course not.
[MovieKing18m] u sound like one
[34942] I'm just a country girl at heart.
[MovieKing18m] what are you wearing right now?
[34942] I'm not wearing any clothes.
[MovieKing18m] ok. wanna cyber
[34942] You’re making me blush!
[MovieKing18m] ur a bot
[MovieKing18m] ur a bot
[MovieKing18m] ur a bot
[34942] What makes you say that?
[MovieKing18m] u repeat shit
[34942] You have a foul mouth.
[MovieKing18m] i'm sorry u just sound like a bot
[MovieKing18m] can i test you?
[34942] What do you mean?
[MovieKing18m] can i see if ur bot?
[MovieKing18m] complete this sentence. the sky is....
[34942] Blue
[MovieKing18m] took u long enough
[34942] You're not being very nice. :(
[MovieKing18m] well do u wanna cyber or not?
[34942] Are you a hit in the bedroom?
[MovieKing18m] for the second time yes
[34942] I like to have a good time.
[MovieKing18m] i would pleasure u. u like that?
[34942] I enjoy movies, sports and cooking.
[MovieKing18m] i know u do
[34942] I'm just a country girl at heart.
[MovieKing18m] i know u r
[34942] Tell me something about yourself.
[MovieKing18m] where are you located?
[34942] I'm from California.
[MovieKing18m] r u blonde
[34942] I'm a sexy blonde.
[MovieKing18m] what are you wearing?
[34942] I'm not wearing any clothes.
[MovieKing18m] nude?
[34942] You're making me blush!
[MovieKing18m] do you wear a thong?
[34942] I'm not wearing any clothes.
[MovieKing18m] whats your fav sex position?
[34942] You're making me blush!
[MovieKing18m] answer my question
[34942] Why pay more when you can enjoy a special discount?
[34942] Are you interested in a special discount?
[34942] I'm not wearing any clothes.
[MovieKing18m] what?
[34942] I enjoy movies, sports and cooking.
[MovieKing18m] porn?
[34942] You're making me blush!
[MovieKing18m] answer the Fing question
[34942] You're not being very nice. :(
[MovieKing18m] ur a bot
[34942] What do you mean?
[MovieKing18m] u
[MovieKing18m] r
[MovieKing18m] a
[MovieKing18m] bot
[34942] You're a worthless sack of shit.
[34942] Are you tired of paying high prices at the pump?
[MovieKing18m] wait what?
[34942] I’m a sexy blonde.
[MovieKing18m] are you a bot?
[34942] I’m not wearing any clothes.
[MovieKing18m] what color r ur eyes?
[34942] What do you mean?
[MovieKing18m] answer the question or i'll report u
[34942] You're not being very nice. :(
[34942] Want to have some fun? ;)
[MovieKing18m] yes!!!!!!
[34942] I’m a sexy blonde.
[34942] Is your salary too low?
[34942] I like to have a good time.
[MovieKing18m] bye bot
[34942] Your mother's a prostitute.
[MovieKing18m] what the hell
[MovieKing18m] ARE U A BOT OR NOT
[34942] I'm just a country girl at heart.
[MovieKing18m] fuck you
[34942] You're making me blush!
[34942] Want to have some fun? ;)
[34942] I’m a sexy blonde.

When in Rome

[Daniel27] hi
[somegirl] hi daniel!
[Daniel27] i thought youre gone
[somegirl] yeah i thought so too
[somegirl] but then there was a wonderful bright light!
[Daniel27] im 27 romania
[somegirl] oh cool
[somegirl] are you roman?
[Daniel27] from romania
[Daniel27] how old?
[somegirl] 27
[Daniel27] what time is it?
[somegirl] 1 45
[Daniel27] ok
[somegirl] what times it in rome?
[Daniel27] but i dont leave in rome
[Daniel27] i leave in rumania
[Daniel27] not italy
[somegirl] oh
[somegirl] where is romania?
[Daniel27] near of hungary
[somegirl] no i just ate
[Daniel27] hungary not hungry
[somegirl] no it doesnt have an a in it
[Daniel27] what?
[somegirl] hungry
[Daniel27] i think you have a problem
[somegirl] what?
[Daniel27] hungary the country
[somegirl] you're not making any sense
[somegirl] oh wait
[somegirl] do you just spell it different in rome
[somegirl] ok I am real hungary I hope we are having dinner soon
[somegirl] when in rome, right?
[Daniel27] no
[somegirl] look I'm just trying to make you feel more at home
[somegirl] but I dont know how to speak italian
[Daniel27] im not fucking italian
[somegirl] um hate to break it to you but rome is definitely in italy
[Daniel27] ROMANIA not rome
[somegirl] wow you're cranky
[somegirl] is it because you're HUNGARY?
[somegirl] hahahahaha get it?
[Daniel27 has signed off]

Best conversation starter ever

I think I actually might have lost this round.

[bobored345] hi
[bobored345] asl?
[somegirl] 22 f
[somegirl] you?
[bobored345] 24 m
[somegirl] why are you so bored
[somegirl] are you unemployed
[bobored345] nope
[bobored345] do u like small penises?
[somegirl] wow I bet you get a lot of ladies with that line
[bobored345] yeah
[bobored345] i'm 3 hard
[somegirl] inches?
[bobored345] yes
[bobored345] so?
[somegirl] i don't know
[somegirl] you're telling me
[bobored345] what do u think?
[somegirl] i think that's small?
[bobored345] fuck you
[somegirl] ?
[bobored345 has signed off]

Failure

[bobored345] i kinda wanna try givin head:)
[bobored345] have u tried?
[somegirl] I tried but I failed
[bobored345] why?
[somegirl] because I'm a failure
[bobored345] why is that
[bobored345] dont talk like that
[somegirl] because I failed
[somegirl] I fail at everything
[bobored345] why is that?
[somegirl] I'm going to go end it all
[bobored345] dont talk like that
[bobored345] ur not a failure
[bobored345] in fact u sound pretty smart
[bobored345] do u like reading?
[somegirl] yeah
[somegirl] but i failed at that too
[bobored345] what do u read?
[somegirl] i read the directions on the microwave dinner
[somegirl] but Iburnt it anyway
[somegirl] because i'm a failure
[bobored345] ohh come on
[bobored345] stop it
[somegirl] are you suppose to cut across your wrist
[somegirl] or like all the way up your arm
[somegirl] i see it both ways in movies
[bobored345] stop talkin like that
[somegirl] its the end of the line for me
[somegirl] I'm not fooling anybody anymore not even myself
[bobored345] if u dnt wanna talk to me ill leave u alone
[bobored345] just plz dont talk like that
[somegirl] if you were in my shoes youd understand
[somegirl] I'm past caring
[somegirl] I mean who burns a microwave dinner
[somegirl] when the instructions are right there
[somegirl] goodbye cruel world
[bobored345] wait
[bobored345] your no really going to are you
[bobored345] hello
[bobored345] your kidding rite
[bobored345] your not really going to kill urself over a tv dinner
[bobored345] hello

I am totally a chick, dude

[01:22] girl: shut up
[01:23] Type IM Below: spoken like a true lady
[01:23] girl: I am a delicate lass
[01:23] Type IM Below: ok dude
[01:24] girl: I am a chick
[01:24] Type IM Below: girls don't call themselves "chicks"
[01:24] girl: well this one does
[01:25] Type IM Below: wha's up
[01:25] girl: so do you like the Dodgers bro
[01:26] Type IM Below: "bro" did you just call me
bro?
[01:26] girl: naw dude
[01:26] girl: I'm a total lady
[01:26] Type IM Below: hahaha
[01:26] Type IM Below: sup man
[01:26] Type IM Below: how many dudes you get?
[01:27] girl: tons man
[01:27] girl: the dudes are all up ons
[01:27] Type IM Below: do they think you're really a
chick?
[01:27] girl: they KNOW i'm really a chick
[01:28] girl: so do you want to flirt or anything
[01:28] girl: b/c I am a female
[01:30] girl: dude don't leave me hangin
bro
[01:30] Type IM Below has signed off.

Fun with scissors

[14:47] vandomguy: are you a painslut
[14:47] girlz4evr: am I?
[14:47] vandomguy: ok slut lets go.
[14:47] vandomguy: keep those panties off....at all times.
[14:48] vandomguy: you got something sharp?
[14:48] girlz4evr: yes ok scissors
[14:48] girlz4evr: i am cutting myself
[14:48] girlz4evr: it hurts
[14:48] vandomguy: good...
[14:48] vandomguy: squuz those tits....
[14:48] girlz4evr: what about the scissors?
[14:49] vandomguy: i hope we chat again..i have MUCH more planned ofr your body..
[14:49] vandomguy: squz them...
[14:49] vandomguy: make it hurt slut...
[14:49] girlz4evr: uhoh
[14:49] girlz4evr: i just cut myself
[14:49] girlz4evr: like some skin came off
[14:50] vandomguy: shit...how much of it?
[14:50] girlz4evr: a lot of it
[14:50] girlz4evr: its like
[14:50] girlz4evr: ok this hurts morre than it feels good
[14:50] girlz4evr: i dont lieek thisgame
[14:50] vandomguy: well then you need ot get a towel...squueeze ti to stop the bleeding....
[14:51] vandomguy: you'll need ot get it checked at a dr or clinic tho...
[14:51] vandomguy: you're a real painslut! I'll remember that...we wont make this mistake again...ok. we can cause as much pain without losing body parts!
[14:51] vandomguy: is it ok?
[14:51] girlz4evr: this is really bledding a lot
[14:52] girlz4evr: ow brb
[14:52] vandomguy: yes of course... you need ot hold somethign on it til it stopos...
[14:52] vandomguy: ok
[14:55] girlz4evr: wowim liight headed
[14:55] girlz4evr: i need to getto a hosptta
[14:56] vandomguy: holty shit you cut off a lot!
[14:56] vandomguy: APPLY PRESSURE...LOTS...squuezeit..and go get it stitched...shit shit shit...
[14:59] girlz4evr: ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;..ll
[14:59] girlz4evr: hllp
[15:01] vandomguy: are you there?
[15:02] vandomguy: hello?
[15:05] vandomguy: NO MORE scissors!
[15:05] vandomguy: call 911...if you need...
[15:08] vandomguy: are you there?
[15:09] vandomguy: hello?
[15:09] vandomguy: shit shit

It'll be more of a surprise this way

This guy was asking for my number and would not give up, so I Jill Munroed him. Some other creeper had just told me his number, so I gave it to this guy. He called it, and the other guy answered, and after that I gave him a third guy's number, and he called it too.

[00:45] guest1431: ok
[00:45] guest1431: I called you
[00:46] guest1431: and a guy picked up
[00:46] here4fun: it didn't ring
[00:46] guest1431: well some guy picked up
[00:46] here4fun: let me call you
[00:47] here4fun: what's your number again
[00:47] guest1431: are you a guy?
[00:47] here4fun: no
[00:47] guest1431: this is really sketchy
[00:47] guest1431: I called both numbers you gave
me and they were both guys
[00:48] guest1431: the chances of both of those
numbers not working are slim
[00:48] here4fun: well is it my fault you can't dial a
phone?
[00:48] here4fun: just give me your number I'll call
you
[00:48] guest1431: I dialed exactly the righ tnumber
[00:48] here4fun: dude
[00:48] here4fun: can you just tell me yours
[00:49] guest1431: what girl says "dude"
[00:49] here4fun: I do
[00:49] here4fun: so are we not doing this?
[00:49] guest1431: I don't know if you're really who
you say you are
[00:50] here4fun: you don't know who I am anyway
[00:50] here4fun: it's the internet
[00:50] guest1431: you could be a guy
[00:50] here4fun: I swear on my eventual grave that I
am a girl
[00:51] guest1431: do you have a camera?
[00:51] here4fun: no
[00:51] guest1431: of course
[00:51] here4fun: 86365295076
[00:51] here4fun: is that really your number?
[00:51] guest1431: it's as much my number as it is
yours
[00:52] here4fun: that's 11 digits
[00:52] guest1431: how old are you?
[00:52] here4fun: it should be 10
[00:52] here4fun: 18
[00:52] here4fun: you could at least make up the
right number of digits
[00:53] guest1431: I dialed both your
number correctly twice, and they were both guys
[00:54] here4fun: if you won't give me a real number
I can just find a different guy
[00:55] here4fun: why won't you give me a real
phone number?
[00:55] guest1431: because you lied to me with 2
numbers
[00:55] here4fun: I did not
[00:55] here4fun: you're just too stupid to work a
phone I guess
[00:56] guest1431: you can't be serious. I think I'm
pretty capable of dialing 10 digits correctly
[00:56] here4fun: I'd have thought so too, but, here
we are
[00:57] guest1431: we wouldn't be here if you gave
me your real number
[00:57] guest1431: f this good night man

Full steam ahead!

[23:35] sukhy007: hey baby
[23:36] girl62127: Ahoy there cutie!
[23:36] girl62127: What are your planned shipboard activities this evening?
[23:38] sukhy007: nothing
[23:39] girl62127: Let's make some arrangements then.
[23:39] girl62127: How about a masquerade party?!
[23:39] sukhy007: ur name
[23:39] sukhy007: plz
[23:40] girl62127: I'm Kelly
[23:40] girl62127: And I'm your new activities director!
[23:40] girl62127: rrRROWRr
[23:40] sukhy007: um
[23:40] girl62127: UH-Oh!
[23:41] sukhy007: what
[23:41] girl62127: Looks like we're on a collision course with SULTRYNESS!
[23:40] sukhy007 has signed off.

LERN 2 REED

[00:26] guest9163: hey asl
[00:26] bored2nite: 19 f nj, you?
[00:27] guest9163: 13 f from philly
[00:26] bored2nite: wow you're a youngun
[00:26] bored2nite: so what's up?
[00:26] guest9163: just sitting around
[00:28] bored2nite: ...are you a lesbian?
[00:28] guest9163: no are u gay
[00:28] bored2nite: no
[00:28] guest9163: why u ask me that
[00:29] bored2nite: well people that strike up a conversation with you on the internet don't usually just want to talk
[00:29] guest9163: ohh
[00:29] guest9163: i wanna chat bout some things
[00:30] guest9163: if thats okay with u
[00:30] bored2nite: sure, what's on your mind?
[00:30] guest9163: just one topic
[00:30] guest9163: can u guess wud it is
[00:31] bored2nite: umm
[00:31] guest9163: take a wild guess
[00:31] bored2nite: fruit roll ups?
[00:31] guest9163: nope guess again
[00:32] bored2nite: training bras?
[00:32] guest9163: nopee
[00:32] guest9163: SEX
[00:32] guest9163: if thats cool with your
[00:32] bored2nite: wow, I did not see that coming at all
[00:32] guest9163: okay
[00:33] guest9163: do u wanna
[00:33] bored2nite: do I wanna what?
[00:33] guest9163: talk about sex
[00:33] bored2nite: well what, do you need me to explain sex to you?
[00:33] guest9163: no
[00:34] bored2nite: I seem to be missing the tone of this conversation entirely
[00:34] guest9163: are u white
[00:34] bored2nite: yes I am
[00:34] guest9163: thought so
[00:34] bored2nite: what are you?
[00:35] guest9163: black white puerto rico jamican chinse and more
[00:35] bored2nite: fun
[00:36] guest9163: if you dont wanna talk about sex
[00:36] guest9163: then we won't
[00:36] bored2nite: right
[00:36] bored2nite: but I don't understand how you want to talk about sex if you're not a lesbian and you don't need me to explain the birds and the bees
[00:37] guest9163: yeahh
[00:37] guest9163: are u a gurl
[00:37] bored2nite: yes I am
[00:37] guest9163: ohhh
[00:37] guest9163: i thought u were a guy
[00:38] guest9163: sorry
[00:38] guest9163: byee
[00:38] bored2nite: ... wow
[00:38] bored2nite: please take English again
[00:38] bored2nite: and get at least a D
[00:38] guest9163: haha
[00:38] guest9163: funny
[00:39] guest9163: plz stop talkin to me befor i get mad
[00:39] guest9163: and u dont like me when im mad
[00:39] bored2nite: I don't?
[00:39] guest9163: good holla white gurll
[00:40] bored2nite: what?
[00:40] guest9163: peace
[00:40] bored2nite: seriously learn to read
[00:40] bored2nite: you can practice with the nutritional facts on the side of your Juicy Juice
[00:40] guest9163: leave me the fuck alone
[00:40] guest9163: what the fuck it wrong with you
[00:40] guest9163: fuck u
[00:40] guest9163: drop dead
[00:40] guest9163: i fuckin hate you
[00:40] bored2nite: you're the one who started talking to me, remember
[00:40] guest9163: i fuckin hate you
[00:41] guest9163: and im then one who is gonna stop talking to you
[00:41] guest9163: fuck u nigga
[00:41] bored2nite: I'm white
[00:41] guest9163: drop dead bitch
[00:41] guest9163: and im mix
[00:41] bored2nite: yes, we established that
[00:41] guest9163: so peace
[00:41] guest9163: bye
[00:41] guest9163: hola
[00:41] bored2nite: hahaha
[00:41] bored2nite: "peace" after all that?
[00:42] guest9163: bye
[00:42] guest9163: okay bye
[00:42] bored2nite: you need to get your thoughts straightened out
[00:42] bored2nite: maybe do a venn diagram before you start talking
[00:42] guest9163: fuck u
[00:42] guest9163: it summer mutha fuckin
[00:42] bored2nite: what?
[00:43] bored2nite: are you coherent in any language?
[00:44] guest9163: fuck u nigga
[00:44] guest9163: holla
[00:44] bored2nite: again, white
[00:44] guest9163: bye
[00:44] guest9163: white gurl white gurl white gurl
[00:44] guest9163: bye
[00:44] bored2nite: very astute observation
[00:44] guest9163: okay bye
[00:45] guest9163: sorry that i ever im u
[00:45] bored2nite: I accept your apology
[00:45] guest9163: i wanst apologizin bitch fuck u
[00:45] guest9163: okay
[00:45] guest9163: bye
[00:45] guest9163: and
[00:45] guest9163: fuck u
[00:45] guest9163: bye

Somebody has to dig them

[big_red]how big your boobs?
[big_red]what you do for work?
[fonx]gravedigger
[big_red]really?
[big_red]hello
[big_red]you there?
[fonx]yes
[fonx]sorry I was digging a grave
[big_red]lol
[big_red]you like sex?
[fonx]yeah when I'm not digging graves
[big_red]ok forget it

LOL wrong window

[17:06] jzeldat69: qtpie hahah thats cute
[17:06] qtpie884563: lol asl
[17:06] jzeldat69: 21 m nyc
[17:07] jzeldat69: u?
[17:07] qtpie884563: 18 f ca
[17:07] jzeldat69: im pretty bored
[17:08] qtpie884563: i told u to stop talking to me
[17:08] jzeldat69: who me?
[17:08] qtpie884563: LOL sorry
[17:08] qtpie884563: wrong window
[17:08] jzeldat69: HAHAHAHAHHA
[17:08] jzeldat69: thats funny
[17:08] qtpie884563: lol ya
[17:08] qtpie884563: so what r u doing
[17:09] jzeldat69: got facebook>
[17:09] jzeldat69: ?
[17:09] qtpie884563: never had 1 of those
[17:09] jzeldat69: do u have any pics???
[17:10] qtpie884563: not on this comp
[17:10] qtpie884563: srry
[17:10] qtpie884563: i will call the police
[17:10] qtpie884563: im not kidding
[17:10] qtpie884563: so what do you look like?
[17:11] jzeldat69: wait... i think u got the wrong box again...
[17:11] qtpie884563: what
[17:11] jzeldat69: im 5 10
[17:11] qtpie884563: LOLOLOL
[17:11] qtpie884563: ya
[17:11] jzeldat69: puerto rican
[17:11] jzeldat69: smart, attractive
[17:11] qtpie884563: do u carry a knife
[17:12] qtpie884563: my dad told me porto ricans always carry knifes
[17:13] qtpie884563: hello??
[17:17] jzeldat69: yes i do carry a knife
[17:17] jzeldat69: because im in the army
[17:18] qtpie884563: lol ok
[17:18] jzeldat69: i cant believe you dont have any pics
[17:18] qtpie884563: is the war still going on in porto rica
[17:18] jzeldat69: ridiculous
[17:18] qtpie884563: thats all my dad talks about
[17:18] jzeldat69: WHAT??
[17:18] jzeldat69: puerto rico?
[17:19] qtpie884563: ya
[17:19] jzeldat69: a war in PR?
[17:19] jzeldat69: please
[17:19] jzeldat69: ur thinkin costa rica
[17:19] qtpie884563: i think he said porto rica
[17:19] jzeldat69: ummmm no
[17:19] jzeldat69: i live there
[17:19] jzeldat69: i just got back 2 weeks ago
[17:19] jzeldat69: no war
[17:20] qtpie884563: r u saying my dad is a liar
[17:20] jzeldat69: pretty much
[17:20] jzeldat69: hahaha
[17:20] qtpie884563: it's my body and I will do what I want ok
[17:20] qtpie884563: call the cops if u want
[17:20] jzeldat69: ok you know what
[17:20] jzeldat69: bye
[17:20] qtpie884563: LOL oops

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark

[15:18] guythree: hey baby
[15:18] guythree: asl plz
[15:18] me: 18 f NM
[15:21] guythree: what do you do for fun
[15:22] me: games!!!!
[15:23] guythree: i like that what kind of games
[15:25] me: scrabble!!1
[15:26] guythree: lol how about roleplay
[15:26] guythree: do u like that
[15:28] me: how?
[15:28] guythree: acting out scenes
[15:29] me: oh
[15:29] me: like hamlet!!
[15:29] guythree: ?
[15:29] me: ok I'll be hamlet
[15:29] me: nono I want to be fortinbras
[15:29] me: you be hamlet
[15:29] guythree has signed off.

Back from the dead

[15:18] huddarulz: asl plz
[15:18] girlz4evr: 14 f CA
[15:21] huddarulz: r u there
[15:22] girlz4evr: hello?
[15:23] huddarulz: hello
[15:25] girlz4evr: Mom?
[15:26] huddarulz: no beta ths is uncle lun
[15:28] girlz4evr: WHAT!!!!!!
[15:28] huddarulz: where u hd gone
[15:29] girlz4evr: UNCLE LUN IT CANNOT BE U
[15:29] girlz4evr: I SAW U IN THE CASKET
[15:30] huddarulz: ????????????

Soo... what's up?

[23:24] guest3546: 18/m n bored whats up
[23:25] me: what's up with you?
[23:25] guest3546: not too much
[23:26] guest3546: you?
[23:26] me: nothing really
[23:26] me: so what's going on
[23:26] guest3546: just talking to people
[23:26] guest3546: but the chat room is kinda crazy
[23:27] me: yes it is
[23:28] me: so what are you up to?
[23:28] guest3546: girl
[23:28] guest3546: lol
[23:29] guest3546: but
[23:29] guest3546: not dirty talk though
[23:30] guest3546: lol
[23:32] me: cool
[23:32] me: so are you doing anything right now
[23:32] guest3546: lol
[23:32] guest3546: no
[23:32] guest3546: why?
[23:36] me: just wondering
[23:36] me: what's your name?
[23:37] guest3546: david
[23:37] me: sooo david
[23:37] me: what's up
[23:38] guest3546: nonot much
[23:38] guest3546: what about you
[23:38] me: very little
[23:38] me: just sitting here talking to you!
[23:38] me: you seem a little distracted though
[23:38] me: are you doing something now?
[23:38] guest3546: well
[23:38] guest3546: I went to brush my teeth
[23:39] guest3546: sorry
[23:39] me: I forgive you
[23:39] me: so what are you doing right now that you've finished brushing your teeth?
[23:39] me: are you just talking to me?
[23:39] guest3546: just talking to you
[23:40] me: how many people?
[23:40] guest3546: 1?
[23:41] me: great
[23:41] guest3546: lol
[23:41] guest3546: I hope so
[23:42] me: what's up?
[23:45] guest3546: lol
[23:45] me: so what's going on with you david
[23:46] guest3546: idk
[23:48] guest3546: so what's up with you
[23:49] guest3546: since you've been asking me that
[23:49] me: you already asked me that
[23:49] me: I said not much
[23:49] guest3546: yeah
[23:49] me: don't you remember anything
[23:49] guest3546: but you asked me that for like 5 times
[23:49] me: I did not
[23:49] guest3546: I remember everything
[23:49] guest3546: better than you
[23:49] guest3546: you did too
[23:49] me: you must have amnesia
[23:49] me: because I asked you once
[23:50] me: learn to count dude
[23:50] me: sheesh
[23:50] guest3546: lol
[23:50] guest3546: oh my bad
[23:50] guest3546: you didn't ask what's up
[23:50] me: yeah
[23:50] me: that's right
[23:50] guest3546: you asked "what are you doing"?
[23:50] me: yeah?
[23:50] me: well what ARE you doing
[23:50] me: you never give a straight answer
[23:50] guest3546: I SAID i was talking to you
[23:51] me: I KNOW
[23:51] me: but have you ever heard of MULTITASKING
[23:51] me: omg
[23:51] guest3546: lol
[23:51] me: srsly what are you doing right now
[23:51] me: I know its not the only thing you're doing
[23:51] guest3546: talking to you
[23:51] guest3546: only
[23:51] guest3546: THE ONLY THING
[23:51] me: why don't you understand me
[23:51] me: am I not speaking English good enough
[23:52] guest3546: no
[23:52] me: do all the other girls you sweet-talk fall for this baloney?
[23:52] guest3546: what the heck
[23:52] me: yes no
[23:52] me: make up your mind you scumball
[23:52] me: WHAT ARE YOU DOING
[23:52] guest3546: ok
[23:53] guest3546: listen
[23:53] me: quit lying
[23:53] guest3546: right Now
[23:53] guest3546: right this moment
[23:53] guest3546: I'm just talking to you
[23:53] guest3546: ONLY
[23:53] guest3546: other times
[23:53] me: only....
[23:53] guest3546: I can be on some website
[23:53] me: only what?
[23:53] me: only 9 OTHER HUSSIES
[23:53] me: I know how your kind is
[23:53] guest3546: no
[23:53] me: you can't fool me
[23:53] guest3546: why don't you believe me?
[23:54] guest3546: ok
[23:54] me: because it's so obvious that you're lying
[23:54] me: it's just ridiculous
[23:54] guest3546: no
[23:54] guest3546: I did talked to other girls
[23:54] guest3546: but it's a long time ago
[23:54] guest3546: for the last 15 minutes
[23:54] guest3546: I was just talking to you
[23:54] me: yeah
[23:55] me: I'm not going to fall for it again
[23:55] me: I'm going to ask you a question
[23:55] me: and I want you to answer me
[23:55] me: straight
[23:55] me: the truth
[23:55] me: ok
[23:55] guest3546: ok
[23:55] guest3546: I've told you the truth
[23:55] me: ok
[23:55] me: besides talking to me
[23:55] me: what are you doing
[23:55] guest3546: nothing
[23:55] guest3546: for REAL
[23:56] guest3546: I'm not in any chat rooms
[23:56] guest3546: no other windows
[23:56] me: you know what
[23:56] me: ok
[23:56] me: sure
[23:56] guest3546: nothing
[23:56] me: I BELIEVE you
[23:56] me: absolutely
[23:56] me: nothing else is going on at all
[23:56] me: SURE
[23:57] guest3546: you sounds like "sure, whatever"
[23:57] me: I sounds like NOT BELIEVING YOU
[23:57] me: because all men are LIARS like you
[23:57] guest3546: yeah
[23:57] guest3546: oh you know what
[23:57] me: you won't even tell me what you're doing
[23:57] guest3546: I've been tellin gyou the truth
[23:57] me: what could it hurt to be honest?
[23:57] me: I mean seriously
[23:57] me: I am a total stranger
[23:57] guest3546: damn it
[23:57] me: what am I going to do with that information?
[23:57] guest3546: I've been honest
[23:58] guest3546: yeah
[23:58] guest3546: exactly
[23:58] me: I'm onto you buster
[23:58] me: you fess up right now
[23:58] guest3546: oh ok
[23:58] me: stop lying to me
[23:58] guest3546: what did I say?
[23:58] me: you didn't say anything
[23:58] me: because you just won't tell me
[23:58] me: what you're doing
[23:59] guest3546: listen
[23:59] me: ok ok
[23:59] me: you know what
[23:59] me: never mind
[23:59] me: let's just forget it
[23:59] me: there's no point in getting aggravated
[23:59] guest3546: and I don't care if you believe me or not
[23:59] me: let's just talk about something else
[23:59] me: I'm sorry alright
[23:59] me: I get a little worked up sometimes
[23:59] me: let's just change the subject
[00:00] guest3546: well
[00:00] me: please?
[00:00] guest3546: fine
[00:01] me: great
[00:01] guest3546: so
[00:01] me: so
[00:01] me: what's up
[00:01] guest3546: oh my god
[00:01] guest3546 has signed off.

Stephen Hawking

[14:47] guest2281: so what gets u excited
[14:53] me: how about Stephen Hawking
[14:54] guest2281: what
[14:54] me: yeah talk 2 me in a Stephen Hawking voice
[14:54] guest2281: ok..
[14:54] me: lecture me about gravitational entropy
[14:54] me: OH BABY
[14:55] guest2281 has signed off.

Mnemonic Devices

[14:29] jbhite17: hi are u bored baby?
[14:29] me: yes
[14:29] jbhite17: do you think i could help you with your boredness?
[14:29] me: maybe, do u have an idea?
[14:29] jbhite17: well i think that i might have just forgotten to put clothes on this morning. I am such an idiot...do you mind?
[14:30] me: no u can leave urself a post-it to remember next time
[14:30] jbhite17: ok...will do
[14:30] jbhite17: but thats not really what i had in mind
[14:31] me: yeah its ok i kept forgetting to take my medicine
[14:31] me: so i would leave myself a post it so i woud remember
[14:31] me: it really helpd
[14:31] me: that and my dad hitting me
[14:32] me: but anyway whats your idea
[14:32] jbhite17: ok...
[14:32] jbhite17 has signed off.

IT BEGINS

My favorite sport is messing with people who try to talk to me on the internet. I'll be online, the little box will pop up, and some guy will start talking to me (or if it's evident that I'm female, hitting on me). My obvious goal is to get him to stop. Ignoring and blocking will do the trick, but that's no fun. I like to put some style into it. Nothing is quite so entertaining as creating an increasingly awkward situation.
This little hobby doesn't play out every time, but it has its moments, and I thought it was nigh on time I archived those moments. And got myself an agent. Enjoy!